Location, Location, Location…

Continuing in our pursuit, Big Swiss led me to a well-hidden location in Smyrna, Georgia: Muss & Turner’s.
Yes, Smyrna is not Atlanta; with all due respect, there are no boundaries encompassing Gluttony. On arrival, I noticed the chromatic, jazzy bundle of businesses uniquely laid out as a complex. The shopping center resembled stacked, idiosyncratically-positioned townhouses. Needless to say, our necks twisted as our eyes squinted; while we strived to depict a “Muss and Turner’s sign” apart from the bordering competition.


Good:

Hands down, one of the coolest locations we have ever seen. Make sure you ask to sit at the bar, the quest to Eleanor’s Speakeasy provides an adventurous trip for drinkers. This is a must-visit location that everyone should experience.

Bad:

Was not impressed with their menu selection or food descriptions; burger was good but not great (Biased | I personally own a Big Green Egg, rendering me an identical product at home). Prices were on the “higher” side (see menu below).

Other Thoughts:

If you are planning a business meeting or party, consider this the location for an exclusive escape. Easy access right off 285 and Atlanta Road. If someone was visiting you from out of town, definitely take them to Muss & Turner’s.

Bathroom:

Clean, Private, and easily accessible; brilliant color scheme and home-like amenities. See photos for more details (kidding)

- By Big Swiss


Muss & Turner’s Phone Number, Directions, Lunch Menu, Dinner Menu, and Hours: 

1675 Cumberland Parkway Smyrna, Georgia 30080 | 770.434.1114
Monday – Thursday
11:30a.m. to 4:00p.m. (intermission) 5:30p.m. to 9:30p.m.
Friday – Saturday
11:30a.m. to 4:00p.m. (intermission) 5:30p.m. to 10:30p.m.
Sunday
11:00a.m. to 4:00p.m. (intermission) 5:30p.m. to 9:00p.m.


The Bar at Muss & Turner's

Decor and The Freezer Door

We walked in and were greeted by a hostess: possibly the most obvious event I could ever mention about a restaurant. Barraged with her questionnaire and simultaneous “product plug” for the bar area; we caved in, “…. sure, take us.”

- “Don’t get in strange vans and don’t follow hostesses into coolers“: two rules my children will abide.

Passing the display of baked goods and the high-class clientele, we stopped at the most dumbfounding entry. For the first time in our adult lives, we were playing “follow the leader”; beginning at a freezer / cooler door, passing a unicorn, through a hallway of wine and business meetings, and eventually ending in a pirate-ship-like Speakeasy: we found ourselves anew. Astonished at the labyrinth, our amusement started to fuel our hunger.

Service Wasn’t Her Style

After being sat within the cave and/or nook, we were greeted by our waitress; sadly, I don’t remember her name, nor do I believe she ever provided it. If the above title seems pejorative, it’s not that she did poorly; I consider myself a preceptor of character and by her average performance, I wouldn’t guess this job a great passion of hers. Although she lacked “server skills,” she certainly knew a lot about the establishment and I do admire her dedication toward her employer.

Admittedly, Swiss and I bombarded her with curiosity; seldom do we eat burgers in dark corridors. She informed us that this tavern was actually, “a separate entity with a symbiotic relationship” (Server Girl, 2012). Therefore, we began in M & T, but landed at Eleanor’s. I would provide a link to this “entity’s” webpage but it seems the theme of a Speakeasy is staying “off-the-grid.” Referencing the picture above, our new setting was catered with Alcohol shelved in what I deem, “Gridiron-Lattice.” Had we imbibed, I’m sure their Liquor accommodations and aphotic ambiance would have been more than cozy.


“The Burger” $10.93


A Bottle of MexiCoke | Mexican Coca-Cola
Adding to the unorthodox amenities, when Swiss ordered his Coke he was asked if “MexiCoke” was okay; it seems that in a pledge to stay healthy, Turner’s only carries Coca-Cola from Mexico since it begets natural Cane Sugar. Not so sure about its appeal, however, I am certain “MexiCoke” stimulated the same taste buds as Diet Coke; maybe it’s a “natural” thing, who knows?

Now for the Meat of This Fairytale (PunSmith, 2012).

Sadly, Big Swiss accidentally ordered a sandwich; I pondered over this unfortunate fact. Yes, my burger partner (platonic) failed his first objective, order a burger; more importantly, this issue yields a great point.

I know Chefs and Entrepreneurs strive to be edgy and innovative but you cannot do so in the event that it confuses clientele. An illegible menu will never “bear fruit,” here is where the perplexity occurred: little to no lighting, his item was found under the section “Beef & Things That Eat Grass,” the dish was named “Basic Beef” ($9.53), and it was described as “Angus Beef.” Detailing these facts makes me hungry for burgers, so I know other people are experiencing this dilemma. Contrary to common Burger-Law, he received a Beef-wich of sorts; oh, the look of despair on his face.


Big Green Egg Smoker

I got exactly what I had desired, an entrée titled “The Burger”: no confusion there.

Toppings: Big Green Egg grilled grass-fed beef, roasted poblano pepper, melted cheddar, red onion, house-made cilantro aioli, French bun

Notice the Big Green Egg you see; ironically, Swiss owns one of these smokers and we often cook our beef accordingly. Therefore, the awaited first bite was of no surprise, I was already accustomed to the appeal of a Smoked Delicacy. This was a turnoff, I always long for something location-exclusive; not the Chef’s fault but my own spoiled habits. I would imagine a partaker not use to such methods, to be overwhelmed with the peculiar Big Green Egg flavor.

It is a well-known fact that I hate white sauces; with much anxiety and due to our waitress’s recommendation, I opted to risk my tongue on the Cilantro Aioli. When I got my burger, it was hard to decipher individual toppings as a result of the poor illumination; I associated the unwanted sauce with the white cheddar and swallowed my pride. My view on the Aioli, nothing very noticeable except for its mealy composition. After noticing the texture, each bite grew more and more cumbersome.

My Meal at Muss & Turner's This is How To Season French FriesThe Poblano Pepper was a needed additive; I do feel it could have been cooked a minute longer, a bit too tough. Throughout the course, Swiss and I devoured their amazing, thoroughly seasoned, $6 French Fry complement; you can never go wrong with a bowl of starch and salt (Man Law #3). Collectively, the meals were satisfactory but not memorable.

Although not an ideal environment for photography, the lighting perpetuates an aura of exclusion, secrecy, and mental reserve. We both concurred that this partitioned room was a perfect getaway; one could lose themselves in such personal quarters.

For the Best Burger Initiative, we may have had the wrong dish (especially Big Swiss). As for decoration, dedication, creativity, and personality; the Muss & Turner’s Restaurant really brought its “A” game.

We are more than pleased with our experience and we consider this location a “top-notch” setting for formal, or even casual, meetings; especially if you want to leave a lasting impression.

  1. Gerald Solomon says:

    When are you guys Reviewing the Vortex, I Love That Venue!

  2. Chang Desisles says:

    I am big burger fan, So glad that you guys are putting this website together. Can’t wait to see who you guys think has the best burger in Atlanta

  3. George Letter says:

    Hey Im loving your reviews. I have lived in Atlanta my whole life and have visited most of these burger restaurants that you guys are reviewing. I agree with most of these but I would definitely rank Ann’s Snack Bar at the top. I can’t believe you guys were not that impressed

  4. Sean Pickard says:

    I think your writing style is brilliant. I live in Atlanta and have been to most of the places you have reviewed. You guys are right on about alot of these so called “famous” burger joints. Keep it up

  5. Kevin Smith says:

    You guys have Great Taste and a lot of talent; keep up the good work and Long Live the Burger!

  6. Danny Southerland says:

    Nothing like an Angus Burger

  7. LeBron James says:

    A Secret Bar, that’s crazy; I must Check them Out Sometime

  8. Burger Dude 101 says:

    Awesome burgers here. I’m very glad you guys are posting about all the best hamburger places in Atlanta. I have visited a few of these myself.

  9. The Burg says:

    That Speakeasy Sounds Soooooo Cool, Have You Seen this Video on youtube about it? Eleanor’s Speakeasy Tour

  10. Tom Ski Jr. says:

    That is By Far the Best Burger Review I Have Ever Read, Keep it Up. Can You Guys Follow Me Back on Twitter Please

    is this you guys https://twitter.com/AtlantaBurgers ?

  11. Chad says:

    Have you guys ever reviewed Moxie in Marietta?


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