The Red Eyed Mule

Posted: 8th September 2013 Written by Kevin Bacon in Beef that Didn't Make the Cut, Famous Atlanta Burger Joints

Alton Brown | “The Best Thing I Ever Ate”

Good:

Reference the nearest Blank Sheet of Paper for a list of things that Don’t Taste Good on Texas Toast

Bad:

Awkward Service, Flawed Delivery

Other Thoughts:

What’s that Syndrome More Severe than Claustrophobia?

The Red Eyed Mule Phone Number, Directions, Menu, and Hours:
1405 Church Street Extension Marietta, GA 30060
678.809.4546

Monday – Friday
6:00a.m. to 2:00p.m.
Saturday
7:00a.m. to 2:00p.m.
Sunday
Closed

Pictures of the Restaurant

I’ll admit “The Mule” did not receive our full attention, as we were not there merely to blog. Nevertheless, I do not feel we received their “full” anything; after comparing our experience to several found online, We Were Jipped!
(Pardon the Jargon and the Homoioteleuton)

Jake’s L’il Daddy (Sloppy Jimmy?)
“Quarter pound of fresh grilled angus ground chuck served on buttered and grilled texas toast with a run through the garden, plus a L’il special surprise – Sloppy jimmy added for that over the top burger experience” $4.87
Jake’s Sloppy Slaw Burger
“Take the L’il Daddy and add a heaping amount of home made cole slaw Yummy!” $5.25

If the preceding descriptions still left you void of vital knowledge, imagine that feeling while crammed between “Guy A” at the Bar/Kitchen Counter on your left, and “Local Resident B” at the Drink Station/Dining Room on your right. I forgot to note the dismissive pressure imposed by the woman awaiting your burdensome order straight ahead. This looming Anxiety Attack is a direct contrast to the homey, warm feeling of belonging portrayed by other bloggers;

Too genuine to be overbearing, [Joe, the owner] asks had we been in before, explains the specials and gives us pointers. Between the converted-garage decor and the friendly service, the Mule certainly doesn’t lack for charm.”
(blogs.ajc.com, 2011)

Admittedly, my concession to referencing other blogs is elementary; however, it is vital to convey the imprecise nature of their establishment.

Areas of Misfortune

  1. Hospitality: More often than not, people mentioned hospitality; I was not so lucky. The “Order Taker” was even forced to use a Square® Credit Card Reader since we missed the sign exclaiming, “We accept Cash, Gold, and gently used Harley Parts”
  2. Ordering: Whether it was said “Order Taker” or a cook, our Burgers were distorted and a direct contradiction to their cleverly vague menu. In hindsight, what else can be expected when a Crossword-Puzzle-Like Head Nod is imperative to menu comprehension.
  3. Burger Conundrum: If you ever find yourself deciphering their menu (such a task would require a trip to Marietta, as they do not offer it online #2013), you will notice that all five burgers are “one and the same,” despite minor variations in condiments. Sadly, this seemingly easily notion was unachievable that Friday afternoon.
    After butchering the name written on our ticket, the Cook/Expeditor yelled something similar to the assonance “Sloppy Slaw”: Big Swiss then graciously accepted.
    Shortly thereafter, the man grunted “Colby,” a belittling abbreviation for my choice of Cheese.
    Briefly, we were given each other’s lunch; more importantly, neither sandwich consisted of their listed ingredients. The simplest, most short-winded explanation of this beef-riddle needs to be channeled into arithmetic.
    Expected
    Kevin Bacon – Jake’s L’il Daddy/Sloppy Jimmy = Garden (lettuce, tomato, onion, mayo, mustard, ketchup, pickles) + “Sloppy Jimmy” + Colby-Jack Cheese (requested)
    Big Swiss – Jake’s Sloppy Slaw Burger = Garden (lettuce, tomato, onion, mayo, mustard, ketchup, pickles) + “Sloppy Jimmy” + “Sloppy Slaw”
    Received
    Kevin Bacon – Jake’s Sloppy Slaw Burger = Garden (lettuce, tomato, onion, mayo, mustard, ketchup, pickles)
    Big Swiss – Jake’s L’il Daddy/Sloppy Jimmy = “Sloppy Jimmy” + “Sloppy Slaw” + Cheddar Cheese
  4. United States Customary Units: Amongst their constant misspelling of the word “You’re,” The Red Eyed Mule’s website repeatedly claims, “6 Ounces of Black Angus Ground Burgers.” Will somebody please guide them to a measuring cup? The “Quarter pound of fresh grilled angus ground chuck” listed on their menu would dispute this simple conversion (16 ounces = 1 pound | 6 ounces ≠ 1/4 pound).
Jake's L'il Daddy BurgerJake's Sloppy Slaw Burger

Yes, the Burger to the left is the “Sloppy Jimmy”
Yes, it is suppose to have 4 to 6 ounces of Beef
Yes, that Cheese is flush with the Toast
Yes, I left still hungry

Taste: With my initial half of the less-than-Slaw but more-than-Sloppy burger (pic above on right), I was disappointed and rebutted Alton Brown’s choice for “The Best Thing I Ever Ate: Messy.” Once I realized (hoped) that mine and Swiss’ dishes were switched at birth, I was overwhelmed with the tongue-quenching vacation from bland.

The Sloppy Jimmy Sauce is near perfection with its synergy of Angus Chuck, Chorizo, and “Secret Spices.” Albeit, I would definitely go a little spicier with the sauce. Nevertheless, “Sloppy Jimmy” is the perfect antithesis to the saccharine twang of the Cole Slaw at Red Eyed Mule. Complimented by Fast-Food worthy Fries and a Very Affordable Price, it’s fair to say “The Mule” deservers a second visit; or is it?

Jake's Sloppy Slaw Burger and Fries

I like to call this, “The Polaris Burger Breach”


  1. Jack says:

    When you start out with “quarter pound”, you don’t have a burger; you have a wanna be.

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